Gossip talk

Why is it that after people are done talking shit, or in the midst of it, they turn around and check if the person they are talking about is there? Isn't that something you should do before you say anything? But I guess that’s better than not checking at all.

Once, when I was a young fool in high school I was caught gossiping. I've since learned my lesson. There were rumors about some girl in my school, whom we shall call "Christy". Well Christy was rumored to be a "big whoring slut" (whatever that is supposed to mean). She had left school for a year and was starting again that year. Now, I had never met, let alone seen her, or knew anything about her reputation besides what I had heard. I don't know what possessed me but I saw one of my friends standing with some girl, and I walked up to them and said, "Hey did you hear that big slut Christy was back?" My friend said "Isi meet Christy." Christy said "Open mouth, insert foot." I was traumatized.

Lesson: Never talk shit unless the surrounding area is clear.

Missing: have you seen this person?

I've been missing in action for a while. I'm sorrry I've been sick but I'm back bitches.

Why you should be nice...

I don't know why but I think this is funny...

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,

God blesses you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.

Life is good,

Sincerely, Edna

What are you gonna do, sue me?

I'm too tired to blog today. Bite me!

A quote...

Don't try to confuse me with the facts.

Phil Hartman as Bill on News Radio

Today's Deep Thought

A crowded elevator smells different to a midget.

Bad ass kidz

So I was in the elevator in my apartment building and I noticed someone had drawn a penis on the wall. First of all it was the worst graffiti ever. It looked more like a dog bone. I am so sick of seeing penis graffiti. No matter where you go, amongst the tagging someone will have inevitably drawn a dick. Seriously what is wrong with people. Who is just walking down the street and sees a clean piece of wall and says to themselves, "that is the perfect place for me to draw a dick".

You know its those bad ass kids. I mean whatever happened to drawing mustaches on pictures. Its like kids go from mustaches to dick art. Is there no middle ground here? Its like they are perverted cave men.

Anyway, the next day when I got in the elevator, someone had drawn an even bigger one on the other wall. This time they keyed it in, so its never coming off. I wonder about people… Don't even get me started. I don't even want to wonder about the person who graffitied "bloodfarts" on a door.

McDonald's is gettin' gangsta yo

With all the fast food places using the lamest rap ever in their commercials, to show how cool they are its only a matter of time before this happens…




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Yo homies!

Oh yeah, and I wanna give a shout out to my posse!

Good luck Ma Ree, Rafiki, Rey Rey, and Mehr Bear

See ya soon

I wish you all a good weekend, and I will see you Monday. I leave with a funny story from a friend....


NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a
calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto
Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra
movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us,"
Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use
secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator
of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek
philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every
triangle.'

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they
could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the
President during his entire administration.

I hate Elvis. He stole his dance moves from Black people and Forrest Gump. The best part of Forrest Gump is how it was real.

The Randomness

Hey everyone,

I don't have too much to post today. I 've got a midterm this weekend and that is just weighing on my mind. But I will let you know the things that have been running through my head...

Quote of the Day

This is the kind of lawyer I want to be when I finish school…

"You wanna waste my time? Okay. I call my lawyer. He's the best lawyer in Miami. He's such a good lawyer, that by tomorrow morning, you gonna be working in Alaska. So dress warm. " -Tony Montana, Scarface

A poem:

Monkey see,

Monkey do,

Monkey did,

On your shoe.

The Homeless Hater

Last Friday we were at a barbeque for school in the park and we see a strange woman standing by a tree. She was posing like a model, leaning up against the tree. She was wearing a long grey coat, which looked very nice. We look again and she has her jacket off and she is in a different pose. She had on a school girl skirt, a nice top and black tights. Two of my friends go to ask her if she's okay but then come back, surmising she is high on something. Suddenly she is in front of the tree sitting on the ground in a beautiful pose. My friend Amol, described it perfectly as an Urban Outfitters' ad. She starts wailing and crawling around in the dirt.

When she stands up I see her eyeing me and Amol who are having a smoke. Amol is one of the people who asked if she was okay. I knew (because of how I always attract crazy people) that she was going to come over. She makes a beeline for us, arms outstretched, and I tell her "don't touch me" She mumbles something crazy. I tell her to get away from me and I'll give her a cigarette if she goes away. I yell at Amol to give her one. All I could think of was "if her dirty fingers touch me I'll have to burn my coat". She finally goes away and some loser comes up and tells me to chill. I shoulda told that fool to kiss my ass. Hey "loser" if you are reading this, ( l ) there it is, kiss it. Anyway the crowd got all quiet, just like on TV. After a minute everyone started talking again and you could immediately hear the volume change. And that’s how I became the bitch who hates homeless people. Which is totally inaccurate. I don't hate them, I just don't want them touching me.

Oh the shame of it

this post contains graphic language so go be offended somewhere else

The other day my boyfriend was playing the Xbox game Scarface. I look up at the TV screen and I guess he had just died, because the screen said "You Fucked Up". I'm shocked. I mean I know how violent these video games are. I actually enjoy, Hitman: Blood Money. The killings, the beatings, all the violence are strangely fun, but Scarface has definitely crossed the line with the "F" word. You know little kids are going to be playing that game. The world is officially going to hell. I had suspected as much the last few years but I'm pretty sure of it now.

Then I was watching Nip/Tuck and someone said "shit" and I had to rewind it. I didn't think you could say shit on TV. I know its cable and its after 10pm and parents can block channels, but I am outraged and titillated at the same time. I remember when Martin used to say "damn" all the time and my parents hated that. Then "bitch" was cool, as in, "son of a bitch" or "what a bitch", when women say it. Now its "shit". That means there is only one word left that you can't say on TV. The "F" word. Soon enough. Soon enough. Oh well, nothing we can do about it now. Fuck it.

Quote of the Day

Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.

-Molière

Betcha didn't know that

I totally just learned something knew today. You know the phrase "just deserts" well I always thought it was spelled desserts, but no its deserts. Apparently the word means "reward or punishment is deserved".

Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do....

Know what I hate most about cop shows? How the detectives always use their pens to poke at evidence. Sort through bloody rags or pick at the skin of dead bodies. What do they do with these pens afterwards? They can't possibly put them back in their pockets or reuse them. Moral of the story: Don't use a cop's pen if they offer it to you.