Dear Library Trollop,
Its the end of the year and we are all in finals mode so I'm gonna put this in a form you can understand.
Question 1: When approaching a four person table top with one person (me) already seated at the table, where is the proper place for one to sit?
A) Sit next to me
B) Sit across from me
C) Sit diagonal from me
D) Sit on my lap
E) All of the above
Correct answer is...actually its a trick question. The correct answer is, if you don't know me, don't sit at my damn table. I don't care if its a four-top or a ten-top, I sit alone! But if we have to make a selection, the correct answer is clearly C) Sit diagonal from me. Why? Because when I'm sitting here trying to study for my final (or blogging) I don't want to have to see your ugly little mug sitting across from me, peering at me over my laptop. Its creepy and its awkward. I won't even address sitting next to me. That just means you want your brain pissed on. (inside joke)
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
Chit chat? F*ck that!
Why is it that acquaintances always wanna talk when I'm busy taking a break? Ugh. I mean during finals its cramming time. When I'm not studying I'm taking a break from learning, from using my mind. This includes faking polite conversation with you. If you see me in the lounge watching video's on my laptop with my headphones on, this does not mean you should approach me. It means, for now I am burned out, my brain cannot take any more learning and I need to regenerate. Unfortunately, the regeneration process is hindered by you babbling about your job, your life, or whatever the hell you talk about (because in actuality I'm not listening to anything you're saying.)
Then, when the appointed break time is over, instead of my head being empty of pain, and my lips smiling at the memory of "man getting hit in crotch with football," instead I am frowning and grumpy wondering why they hell I know that you just got your ugly new shirt from The Gap. Why can't you be like everyone else, if you don't see your real friends around, then go sit by yourself on the couches, and save acquaintance chatting for brief hallway passes. That's why hallways were invented anyway.
And just to clarify, if you are reading this blog then you are most likely not an acquaintance. For a definition of an acquaintance lets refer to the Dictionary of Whats Right According to Isi:
Acquaintance:
pronunciation - uh-kwayne-tense
Noun:
(1) person who isn't really my friend
(2) person who doesn't notice that I never acknowledge them unless they say hi first
(3) person who keeps talking to me even though I don't know their name or how they know mine
(4) person who has my phone number/email through a group project and for some reason has not thrown it away
(5) person who is dirty
Then, when the appointed break time is over, instead of my head being empty of pain, and my lips smiling at the memory of "man getting hit in crotch with football," instead I am frowning and grumpy wondering why they hell I know that you just got your ugly new shirt from The Gap. Why can't you be like everyone else, if you don't see your real friends around, then go sit by yourself on the couches, and save acquaintance chatting for brief hallway passes. That's why hallways were invented anyway.
And just to clarify, if you are reading this blog then you are most likely not an acquaintance. For a definition of an acquaintance lets refer to the Dictionary of Whats Right According to Isi:
Acquaintance:
pronunciation - uh-kwayne-tense
Noun:
(1) person who isn't really my friend
(2) person who doesn't notice that I never acknowledge them unless they say hi first
(3) person who keeps talking to me even though I don't know their name or how they know mine
(4) person who has my phone number/email through a group project and for some reason has not thrown it away
(5) person who is dirty
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