Have you had "the talk" with your kids?

Always use protection.
And get vaccinated.
Circle, circle, dot, dot...

Motivation to study

A little boy told his father "school is dumb, I don't need these dumb classes to succeed." "Son," the father said, "let me tell you a story about a baby bird.

Baby bird's momma kept tryna teach him how to fly but he didn’t want to learn. He said 'why fly when I can just walk.' One day a hunter was shooting at the bird family's nest and all the birds flew away except for baby bird who couldn’t fly. Baby bird tried to fly but fell to the ground and broke his wing and legs. The hunter took baby bird home to his fat little daughter. She squeezed baby bird so hard his head damn near popped off. Baby bird spent the rest of his days injured and being manhandled by the hunter's fat daughter.

So you see son, if you don't do your lessons you're gonna end up crippled and stuck with a fat woman all your life. Shit, that’s how I ended up with your momma."

Zombies...Hey, it could happen

If you know me at all, then you know I believe a zombie attack is a definite possibility. At some point in the future a zombie-like virus could spread rendering life as we know it to resemble 28 Days Later or Dawn of the Dead. Some of you don't believe it and thats fine, but know I certainly will be prepared should that day ever come. Now I won't share my zombie survival plan with you, lest you copy me or tell others and thus minimize my chances of survival. But you should try to make an escape plan just in case the worst happens. Oh and I've found an "article" that only strengthens my beliefs that this could happen. So when the undead come to eat your brains don't come knockin' at my door, cause I'll be there with a loaded shotgun and no time to ask questions. I tried to warn ya...
Fine, in a effort to save you guys, my friends, I'll guide you to some help. If you are smart enough to find this then you deserve to live. If not, I guess you were fucked anyway. I've never read this (click here) before, but it may help you. Good Luck and Godspeed

Caption this

Caption this photo. Oh, and the girl is holding what I think is a fish. Click the pic to see a larger image.

No more freeloading Kevin

Thats it. I'm done letting people use my internet for free. I mean when I was waiting to get my internet hooked up I was using my neighbors' wireless connection. But I was going to get my own. I'm sick of this mystery Kevin in my building using my internet. If I have to pay for it why shouldn't he. Unless he starts slipping a check under my door every month, no deal. And when I set up my wireless router I know I password protected it. It wouldn't piss me off so much if he wasn't effing up my connection. Whenever he gets on my internet goes all aflutter and sometimes cuts me off. He thinks I don't know, but my iTunes shows other users sharing music on my network. And last I checked there were no Kevins in my apartment. So Kevin, no more internet. Go buy your own.

End rant

And just so you know I am not mean, and in the spirit of sharing the wealth I did let him use my internet for months (probably the better part of a year). But all good things must come to an end.


And for those of you piggybacking on someone else's internet connection, be careful about sharing your iTunes music, lest the person find out and cut you off.

I want my TV

Okay so you guys know how I feel about television. I am obsessed. So in case any of you are like me you are wondering what is gonna happen to your precious TV shows because of the WGA strike. Here's a link to a site listing the status of some shows.

Support the writers!

Celebs are funny

Celebrities are so funny. First Britney told the paparazzi to "eat it, lick it, snort it, fuck it!" And now Amy Winehouse called her fans "monkey cunts." And just to be clear, yes a monkey cunt is worse than a regular cunt, but better than a manatee cunt.

Random thought: when did we start regularly calling the celebrity press, paparazzi? I don't think I had never really used that term until Princess Di was killed. I wonder what I called them before....Oh I know...photographers.

Damn that rap music

My friend K and I were discussing the state of rap music today. (In case you were wondering, we were disgusted.) I mentioned how although offensive, I thought one line in a song was lyrically, very clever. K says:

I seriously can't imagine these rappers sitting around a table and saying to each other, "you know, I think instead of the word 'woman,' let's insert the word 'bitch.' Because, according to the latest marketing demographics, those suburban white kids are snapping this stuff up. And, as a young black male, I want to give off the impression to other white males my age that it is, indeed, OK to oppress and slander young black females, equally of our age. hmmmm....let's call up our agent and put together a test audience to see if this works. Bill, can we get some more coffee please? Thank you."

Funniest. shit. ever.

Thanks for letting me post this K.

Did I miss something

Music is very confusing these days. I bought a song that I thought was about finding love. Turns out it was really about a guy at a club finding a bitch to fuck. Who knew?

Keep on fakin' the funk

You say you wish people would be themselves but in reality people are kind of jerky. If everyone were themselves douchebaggery would reign supreme. So everyone should keep on being fake, besides I like your fake personality way better. In reality you suck.

I'll tell you where I've been

I've realized why I haven't had as much to blog about. I'm too preoccupied with my status messages on Facebook and Gchat. Instead of blogging my random thoughts, I'm summing them up in quick little blurbs to put as my status. I'll work on that. Sorry :(

The Burning

Okay so I just got back inside my apartment. At around 11:40 pm the fire alarm went off and boy is it loud. At first I was like whatever and I peeked out my door and I didn't see anyone else leaving. (which shouldn't matter, I mean why would I judge my safety based on others' actions) But then I smelled smoke and I freaked. All I could think was get my laptop and grab my books. I can't lose my notes. So I scrambled to pack my backpack. In retrospect that was rather dumb. I mean if there really was a fire I could've been trapped upstairs because I wanted to do well on finals. And we do have a fire escape but I'm not sure in a panic I could figure out how to drop the last ladder down to the street. Plus it looks kinda rusty. But luckily for me it was just a scare, someone burned something, probably food. I did appreciate that within a few minutes of us calling 911, 6 fire trucks/engines showed up. Boy do I feel safe in case of a real emergency. Thanks firefighters you are awesome!!!

On a side note I took out my phone and wanted to take a picture of all the firefighters and trucks and a girl next to me said "you must be Arab. Only Arabs take pictures of that shit." Ummm okay. Gotta love stereotypes, sometimes they are so random.

I surrender

I think I've just about given up on this blog. Talk about writer's block. I've lost my sense of humor somewhere in the city, probably in a public restroom. Oh well. I tried.

Oscar & Denzel sittin' in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g

I cannot wait to see Denzel's new movie, American Gangster. Looks frickin awesome. Only it's probably so awesome that he will be nominated for an Academy Award. Great for him, bad for Black people. They only time a Black person will ever win (for Best Actor/Actress) is when they play bad guys or dirty crack whores (hello Halle). But what if Denzel performs fantabulously and he deserves an Oscar? Well they won't give it to him, why? Cause the Academy doesn't wanna seem racist, which only means they are. Damn you whitey, damn you.

Best DJ ever

My brother, D Money, is the BEST DJ in Davis. You should listen to his show, Walk with Me. They play true hip hop. To hear his DJing genius, near the top left, click the mp3 stream right underneath "miss this show".

Cheaters never propser II

All I can say is WOW Marion Jones, wow.

Forgive me

I swear guys I'm gonna start blogging again, but I've been so busy, but I will I promise. I think Bri and Jaz will beat me up if I don't.

On a side note, its almost the one year anniversary of the blog - October 10th, Yeah!!!!

WARNING: the following post is NSFW.

Scroll down carefully.





Don't say I didn't warn you.

Eat your veggies. They're good for you

Anorexia is not a good look.

This is an Italian billboard created to raise awareness about anorexia.

Please whoop yo' kids

If I have to see one more punk ass kid throwing a tantrum in the store cause he can't get something he wants I'm gonna flip out. Bad ass kids running all over the place, blocking the aisle, bumping into me, all the while his mother doesn't know what the hell to do. Seriously its too much. We wouldn't have this problem if people would beat their kids. I know in this day and age spanking is sometimes frowned upon. But let me tell you a good ass whoopin' will straighten your child out. Most people [whitey] who are against spanking do that time out crap.

"Little Tommy, you stop calling your mother a slut. Tommy do you hear me talking to you? What would Jesus do Tommy? Thats it Tommy I'm counting to 5. 1...2...Tommy I'm counting...3...Tommy can you hear me...4...You're gonna get it Tommy...4 ½ ...4 ¾ ...4 7/8...5. Thats it Tommy, get in the corner for 2 minutes." Then Tommy flips Mommy off and starts playing his Xbox. Fast forward 7 years later, little Tommy is burning animals in the backyard for fun and little Tommy's sister is sleeping with the football team and she's not even a cheerleader. My advice, whoop your kids.

Oh and if you [whitey] are sensitive about spanking then go to this site and it can coach you until you're strong enough to whoop on your own.