True Love

Yes folks, even Isi, beneath all that bitterness and hatred, has a soft spot. This video warms my heart.




Nice video, but the song..."I hope you had the time of your life". Uh isn't this guy returning from Iraq? I'm not sure picking "Good Riddance" as the background music was such a good choice. Aaah there it is, the familiar taste of scorn. And I'm back.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness (even for strippers)

Some friends and I were discussing strippers today. You know, normal convo. Our discussion had me wondering about the sanitation of stripper poles. I mean you have women gyrating their vajayjays up and down, around and around a metal pole all day. Only a thin piece of fabric keeping their lady parts off that pole. (hello, lycra is not breathable) Plus as those body oils and glitter. And besides being a bacteria infested disease pit, you know that pole smells something awful. *shudders* I don't know how those strippers do it. I really hope someone regularly cleans it. I mean if I was a stripper you best believe I'd be out there with my clorox wipes, sterilizing that pole before each dance.

and no its not an open book exam

Dear Library Trollop,
Its the end of the year and we are all in finals mode so I'm gonna put this in a form you can understand.

Question 1: When approaching a four person table top with one person (me) already seated at the table, where is the proper place for one to sit?

A) Sit next to me
B) Sit across from me
C) Sit diagonal from me
D) Sit on my lap
E) All of the above

Correct answer is...actually its a trick question. The correct answer is, if you don't know me, don't sit at my damn table. I don't care if its a four-top or a ten-top, I sit alone! But if we have to make a selection, the correct answer is clearly C) Sit diagonal from me. Why? Because when I'm sitting here trying to study for my final (or blogging) I don't want to have to see your ugly little mug sitting across from me, peering at me over my laptop. Its creepy and its awkward. I won't even address sitting next to me. That just means you want your brain pissed on. (inside joke)

Violence in the community

Click the picture to view the article.

Chit chat? F*ck that!

Why is it that acquaintances always wanna talk when I'm busy taking a break? Ugh. I mean during finals its cramming time. When I'm not studying I'm taking a break from learning, from using my mind. This includes faking polite conversation with you. If you see me in the lounge watching video's on my laptop with my headphones on, this does not mean you should approach me. It means, for now I am burned out, my brain cannot take any more learning and I need to regenerate. Unfortunately, the regeneration process is hindered by you babbling about your job, your life, or whatever the hell you talk about (because in actuality I'm not listening to anything you're saying.)

Then, when the appointed break time is over, instead of my head being empty of pain, and my lips smiling at the memory of "man getting hit in crotch with football," instead I am frowning and grumpy wondering why they hell I know that you just got your ugly new shirt from The Gap. Why can't you be like everyone else, if you don't see your real friends around, then go sit by yourself on the couches, and save acquaintance chatting for brief hallway passes. That's why hallways were invented anyway.

And just to clarify, if you are reading this blog then you are most likely not an acquaintance. For a definition of an acquaintance lets refer to the Dictionary of Whats Right According to Isi:

Acquaintance:
pronunciation - uh-kwayne-tense

Noun:

(1) person who isn't really my friend
(2) person who doesn't notice that I never acknowledge them unless they say hi first
(3) person who keeps talking to me even though I don't know their name or how they know mine
(4) person who has my phone number/email through a group project and for some reason has not thrown it away
(5) person who is dirty

Revenge is a dish best served, period

Oh hi Angie, how are you? Me? oh I’m going to law school. You’re working at Starbucks now? Great. You know, it’s funny how things work out. Seventeen years ago you crushed a nine year old girl’s dream by taking away her role as Maud, a Pick-a-Little Lady in The Music Man, and giving it to your little bitch-in-training, Stacy. Thereby destroying my dream of ever working in musical theatre again. And now look where we are, me in law school, and you at Starbucks, and you’re not even the manager. Karma is a bitch.

This is fierce!!!

High class hooker or Street hustlin pro?

I'm worth $1,132 per hour in bed. How much are you worth?

Iono, it's just our turn

I frequently am asked why it is okay for black people or other minorities to tell white jokes, but the reverse isn't okay. I've never been able to articulate my answer and now I don't need to. Let Paul Mooney tell you.

FF to 4:25.

Also, to point out, the reverse has actually been acceptable for years. Scratch that, it has been the norm. See this great post from cracked.com.

Karate Kid V: The Next, Next Karate Kid

This pic is so odd I just had to share.

Now that I think about it, Jaws was actually quite cuddly

This film is rated A for Awkwardness

Violence, nudity, language, adult themes, how about Parental Awkwardness. Movies should have a warning label that tell you if a film contains scenes that would make watching it with your parents very uncomfortable. Awhile back, my brother and I were watching A History of Violence with my mother. Watching sex scenes with your parents is just weird in general but this movie contains some seriously parentally awkward sex scenes.

FF to 5:00 for the entire scene; to 7:00 for the parental awkwardness.

FF to 6:00.

Viggo Mortensen redeemed himself in my eyes with Eastern Promises. Why? Because he got naked and showed his peen. Yeah there was shrinkage, but still, it totally makes up for that previous awkwardness.

Life's little gifts - a 2 for 1 special

Know what I found out today? That as you are giving birth you shit yourself. Out comes baby and a turd. WTF? I was already scared of giving birth, but now this. No one really tells you how horrible giving birth really is. When I was younger, a friend once told me about her episiotomy, and that alone was enough to swear me off of having kids. I need to find someone who will give me the honest truth about childbirth. I need to watch a real birthing video, unedited. Cause I'm pretty sure I never saw any shit on TLC's A Baby Story.

Where are the Hilarys?

These Air Force Ones were customized by Van. Check out his myspace to see some of his other work.

Oscar the Racist

Just another one of the reasons I think the Academy/the Oscar's are racist...





Update: Of course they apologized, once they were called on it.

typical whitey

As a black person, I loooove telling white jokes and now white people are horning in on my act. They've got blogs dedicated to making fun of themselves. Ain't that just like a white person, taking something black people created and calling it their own. Bastards!

stuff white people like

black people love us

I feel violated

It never fails. Every single time I go to a club I get molested by a creepy person. Twice this weekend alone. The first night a person licked my face. LICKED MY FACE! Who in the hell licks people's faces. It was all I could do to not throw my drink on my face to sterilize it. But I didn't, it was an expensive drink. Then last night, I was dancing with a guy for a few songs. He started to get too aggressive so I said bye and he thanked me for the dances and leaned in for a hug. So I hugged him and as we pulled away he turned his face and stuck his tongue in my mouth. VOMIT. Seriously, what the fuck is up with people's tongues and my face? I still feel dirty.

Happy Valentine's Day

My friend Annie has just sent me the best Valentine's Day card ever!

Go Yoda, it's your birthday...

Happy New Year...again

Since I've already broken my New Years Resolution twice, I've decided to start this year over, today. So Happy New Year!!!! Let's celebrate by remembering 2007 and all the interesting crap it entailed. I present you with a video.