F'ing Bastards

Someone keeps stealing my mother f'ing newspaper. Just the Sunday paper, the biggest and best paper of the week. thats the only reason I subscribed to the paper for the Sunday edition. Well I've had it up to here, I don't want to get up at 8 a.m. every Sunday just to prevent theivery. How can I stop this paper theif. I am so pissed right now I have so many crazy ideas running through my head. My top 2 right now are (1) setting up a webcam to catch the theif or (2) taking another Sunday paper and sh*tting in it and leave it for the theif to take to their apartment. When they open their paper, crap falls all over their lap. Ha ha you bastard. I feel no remorse, if you want a Sunday paper pay your own damn dollar fifty. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know by leaving a comment.

The details: The paper is dropped, usually in a bag, with my apartment number on it, inside the locked gate. Only people who live in the building have access so I know its one of my neighbors. 3 Floors with 6 apts per floor. I need a plan.

Oooh I could put itching powder in the paper, or get a bank dye pack that will spurt ink all over the person, leaving them stained.

I hope this isn't illegal.

UPDATE: Plan 3: Use one of those as seen on tv alarms so when the theif takes it out of a bag or picks it up it goes off and I can catch them in the act.