Krakatoa

Woohoo, or so I thought...

Ever since the advent of low rise pants, the world has been forced to stare at ass crack after ass crack. And initially one might think this could be a beautiful thing, but in reality, not everyone has a pretty ass crack.

Real cracks, can be crooked, ashy, and crusty, among other things. Its gotten so bad, people are making laws against all this crackage. But I digress. The point is ever since these pants were invented, I have had a hard time finding regular rise pants, unless you shop in the old lady department, and I sir, am not an old lady. So I have had to suffer, the purchasing of long t-shirts, making sure to sit in chairs with backs, strategically bending to tie my shoes (thank god for double knots). I have been living in fear that someone will see my crack at any moment. Which leads me to the present. I went to Old Navy after hearing they had regular rise pants [woohoo] BUT these lame-o pants start out as classic rise, and even with a belt, as you start walking, down they slide. I'm back to a low rise world.

I'm beginning to think its not the pants but my complete and utter lack of an ass. It makes sense scientifically. Jeans are heavy material and are kept in place by a belt and your buttocks. If, like me, your butt is flat, then the jeans have nothing to grip onto, and down they go, the belt only protects you from being pantsed. So, really my only choices are to either destroy gravity, get a butt augmentation, or suck it up and buy old lady jeans with an elastic waistband and tapered legs. Guess which one I'm going to pick...