Have you had "the talk" with your kids?

Always use protection.
And get vaccinated.
Circle, circle, dot, dot...

Motivation to study

A little boy told his father "school is dumb, I don't need these dumb classes to succeed." "Son," the father said, "let me tell you a story about a baby bird.

Baby bird's momma kept tryna teach him how to fly but he didn’t want to learn. He said 'why fly when I can just walk.' One day a hunter was shooting at the bird family's nest and all the birds flew away except for baby bird who couldn’t fly. Baby bird tried to fly but fell to the ground and broke his wing and legs. The hunter took baby bird home to his fat little daughter. She squeezed baby bird so hard his head damn near popped off. Baby bird spent the rest of his days injured and being manhandled by the hunter's fat daughter.

So you see son, if you don't do your lessons you're gonna end up crippled and stuck with a fat woman all your life. Shit, that’s how I ended up with your momma."

Zombies...Hey, it could happen

If you know me at all, then you know I believe a zombie attack is a definite possibility. At some point in the future a zombie-like virus could spread rendering life as we know it to resemble 28 Days Later or Dawn of the Dead. Some of you don't believe it and thats fine, but know I certainly will be prepared should that day ever come. Now I won't share my zombie survival plan with you, lest you copy me or tell others and thus minimize my chances of survival. But you should try to make an escape plan just in case the worst happens. Oh and I've found an "article" that only strengthens my beliefs that this could happen. So when the undead come to eat your brains don't come knockin' at my door, cause I'll be there with a loaded shotgun and no time to ask questions. I tried to warn ya...
Fine, in a effort to save you guys, my friends, I'll guide you to some help. If you are smart enough to find this then you deserve to live. If not, I guess you were fucked anyway. I've never read this (click here) before, but it may help you. Good Luck and Godspeed

Caption this

Caption this photo. Oh, and the girl is holding what I think is a fish. Click the pic to see a larger image.

No more freeloading Kevin

Thats it. I'm done letting people use my internet for free. I mean when I was waiting to get my internet hooked up I was using my neighbors' wireless connection. But I was going to get my own. I'm sick of this mystery Kevin in my building using my internet. If I have to pay for it why shouldn't he. Unless he starts slipping a check under my door every month, no deal. And when I set up my wireless router I know I password protected it. It wouldn't piss me off so much if he wasn't effing up my connection. Whenever he gets on my internet goes all aflutter and sometimes cuts me off. He thinks I don't know, but my iTunes shows other users sharing music on my network. And last I checked there were no Kevins in my apartment. So Kevin, no more internet. Go buy your own.

End rant

And just so you know I am not mean, and in the spirit of sharing the wealth I did let him use my internet for months (probably the better part of a year). But all good things must come to an end.


And for those of you piggybacking on someone else's internet connection, be careful about sharing your iTunes music, lest the person find out and cut you off.

I want my TV

Okay so you guys know how I feel about television. I am obsessed. So in case any of you are like me you are wondering what is gonna happen to your precious TV shows because of the WGA strike. Here's a link to a site listing the status of some shows.

Support the writers!

Celebs are funny

Celebrities are so funny. First Britney told the paparazzi to "eat it, lick it, snort it, fuck it!" And now Amy Winehouse called her fans "monkey cunts." And just to be clear, yes a monkey cunt is worse than a regular cunt, but better than a manatee cunt.

Random thought: when did we start regularly calling the celebrity press, paparazzi? I don't think I had never really used that term until Princess Di was killed. I wonder what I called them before....Oh I know...photographers.

Damn that rap music

My friend K and I were discussing the state of rap music today. (In case you were wondering, we were disgusted.) I mentioned how although offensive, I thought one line in a song was lyrically, very clever. K says:

I seriously can't imagine these rappers sitting around a table and saying to each other, "you know, I think instead of the word 'woman,' let's insert the word 'bitch.' Because, according to the latest marketing demographics, those suburban white kids are snapping this stuff up. And, as a young black male, I want to give off the impression to other white males my age that it is, indeed, OK to oppress and slander young black females, equally of our age. hmmmm....let's call up our agent and put together a test audience to see if this works. Bill, can we get some more coffee please? Thank you."

Funniest. shit. ever.

Thanks for letting me post this K.

Did I miss something

Music is very confusing these days. I bought a song that I thought was about finding love. Turns out it was really about a guy at a club finding a bitch to fuck. Who knew?

Keep on fakin' the funk

You say you wish people would be themselves but in reality people are kind of jerky. If everyone were themselves douchebaggery would reign supreme. So everyone should keep on being fake, besides I like your fake personality way better. In reality you suck.

I'll tell you where I've been

I've realized why I haven't had as much to blog about. I'm too preoccupied with my status messages on Facebook and Gchat. Instead of blogging my random thoughts, I'm summing them up in quick little blurbs to put as my status. I'll work on that. Sorry :(

The Burning

Okay so I just got back inside my apartment. At around 11:40 pm the fire alarm went off and boy is it loud. At first I was like whatever and I peeked out my door and I didn't see anyone else leaving. (which shouldn't matter, I mean why would I judge my safety based on others' actions) But then I smelled smoke and I freaked. All I could think was get my laptop and grab my books. I can't lose my notes. So I scrambled to pack my backpack. In retrospect that was rather dumb. I mean if there really was a fire I could've been trapped upstairs because I wanted to do well on finals. And we do have a fire escape but I'm not sure in a panic I could figure out how to drop the last ladder down to the street. Plus it looks kinda rusty. But luckily for me it was just a scare, someone burned something, probably food. I did appreciate that within a few minutes of us calling 911, 6 fire trucks/engines showed up. Boy do I feel safe in case of a real emergency. Thanks firefighters you are awesome!!!

On a side note I took out my phone and wanted to take a picture of all the firefighters and trucks and a girl next to me said "you must be Arab. Only Arabs take pictures of that shit." Ummm okay. Gotta love stereotypes, sometimes they are so random.

I surrender

I think I've just about given up on this blog. Talk about writer's block. I've lost my sense of humor somewhere in the city, probably in a public restroom. Oh well. I tried.

Oscar & Denzel sittin' in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g

I cannot wait to see Denzel's new movie, American Gangster. Looks frickin awesome. Only it's probably so awesome that he will be nominated for an Academy Award. Great for him, bad for Black people. They only time a Black person will ever win (for Best Actor/Actress) is when they play bad guys or dirty crack whores (hello Halle). But what if Denzel performs fantabulously and he deserves an Oscar? Well they won't give it to him, why? Cause the Academy doesn't wanna seem racist, which only means they are. Damn you whitey, damn you.

Best DJ ever

My brother, D Money, is the BEST DJ in Davis. You should listen to his show, Walk with Me. They play true hip hop. To hear his DJing genius, near the top left, click the mp3 stream right underneath "miss this show".

Cheaters never propser II

All I can say is WOW Marion Jones, wow.

Forgive me

I swear guys I'm gonna start blogging again, but I've been so busy, but I will I promise. I think Bri and Jaz will beat me up if I don't.

On a side note, its almost the one year anniversary of the blog - October 10th, Yeah!!!!

WARNING: the following post is NSFW.

Scroll down carefully.





Don't say I didn't warn you.

Eat your veggies. They're good for you

Anorexia is not a good look.

This is an Italian billboard created to raise awareness about anorexia.

Please whoop yo' kids

If I have to see one more punk ass kid throwing a tantrum in the store cause he can't get something he wants I'm gonna flip out. Bad ass kids running all over the place, blocking the aisle, bumping into me, all the while his mother doesn't know what the hell to do. Seriously its too much. We wouldn't have this problem if people would beat their kids. I know in this day and age spanking is sometimes frowned upon. But let me tell you a good ass whoopin' will straighten your child out. Most people [whitey] who are against spanking do that time out crap.

"Little Tommy, you stop calling your mother a slut. Tommy do you hear me talking to you? What would Jesus do Tommy? Thats it Tommy I'm counting to 5. 1...2...Tommy I'm counting...3...Tommy can you hear me...4...You're gonna get it Tommy...4 ½ ...4 ¾ ...4 7/8...5. Thats it Tommy, get in the corner for 2 minutes." Then Tommy flips Mommy off and starts playing his Xbox. Fast forward 7 years later, little Tommy is burning animals in the backyard for fun and little Tommy's sister is sleeping with the football team and she's not even a cheerleader. My advice, whoop your kids.

Oh and if you [whitey] are sensitive about spanking then go to this site and it can coach you until you're strong enough to whoop on your own.

It is almost time

Cheaters shouldn't prosper

Got Milk?

God Bless America

I am so glad I live in a time and place where people have the freedom and technology to voice their opinions about important matters.

Have you noticed...

Why do houses in tv shows always have a swinging door. I don't think I've ever been in a house with a swinging door. People are always getting hit by the door. Seems dangerous...

I gave in...

There I finally did it. I joined Facebook. I'm shocked at myself. Normally I am against all these sites: MySpace, Facebook, and who knows what else. I don't like the idea of people going to a website to look at pictures of me. Unless you're my parents you don't need your own private collection of pictures of me. Why did I join Facebook you ask. It was an impulse decision. I've been wondering what all the hoopla was about. Now I know.....nothing.

My account status: I have one friend, a few applications for friends pending. I am pitiful. Making friends in real life is hard enough, but applying to be someone's friend? What if they reject me? I'm not ready for this kind of internet dumping. I have no pictures so all thats under my name is a giant question mark, as if I'm not even a real person. No wonder no one wants to be my friend...

Complaining Ass People

What is wrong with people? The iPhone price has been cut from $599 to $399 and now people who bought it for $599 are upset. They are complaining about how they got gypped. I say, thats what your dumb ass gets. If you buy technology when it first comes out, of course its gonna cost more and have bugs in it. Thats what you get for being an early adopter. You should be like me and wait a while before purchasing, until the technology is old and nobody wants it, then its hella cheap. You know I just got a Super Nintendo. I bet you paid like $200 for yours. I got mines for $20. Beat that bitches!

-Signed, Saving up for a walkman

Krakatoa

Woohoo, or so I thought...

Ever since the advent of low rise pants, the world has been forced to stare at ass crack after ass crack. And initially one might think this could be a beautiful thing, but in reality, not everyone has a pretty ass crack.

Real cracks, can be crooked, ashy, and crusty, among other things. Its gotten so bad, people are making laws against all this crackage. But I digress. The point is ever since these pants were invented, I have had a hard time finding regular rise pants, unless you shop in the old lady department, and I sir, am not an old lady. So I have had to suffer, the purchasing of long t-shirts, making sure to sit in chairs with backs, strategically bending to tie my shoes (thank god for double knots). I have been living in fear that someone will see my crack at any moment. Which leads me to the present. I went to Old Navy after hearing they had regular rise pants [woohoo] BUT these lame-o pants start out as classic rise, and even with a belt, as you start walking, down they slide. I'm back to a low rise world.

I'm beginning to think its not the pants but my complete and utter lack of an ass. It makes sense scientifically. Jeans are heavy material and are kept in place by a belt and your buttocks. If, like me, your butt is flat, then the jeans have nothing to grip onto, and down they go, the belt only protects you from being pantsed. So, really my only choices are to either destroy gravity, get a butt augmentation, or suck it up and buy old lady jeans with an elastic waistband and tapered legs. Guess which one I'm going to pick...

Think you're smart? Prove it!

Remember how we were all traumatized by The Impossible Quiz? Well I've got something else for you. A bit of a brain teaser, but I promise, it is solvable, although I have yet to solve it. I'll post the answer as soon as I figure it out, I just refuse to cheat.

Good Luck my friends and I'm sorry for giving you a new addiction.

Everybody has to Cross the River [The River IQ Game]

Yes its in Japanese, but here are the instructions:

• Only 2 persons on the raft at a time
• The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their mother's presence
• The mother can not stay with any of the sons without their father's presence
• The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there
• Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft

To start click on the big blue circle on the right.
To move the people click on them. To move the raft click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

It begins...

UPDATE: Here is the answer. Highlight it to read it.

Remember this is one of 2 options. For the other answer switch the girls for the boys and Mom for Dad.

1. Cop & Thief
2. Cop
3. Cop & Girl 1
4. Cop & Thief
5. Mom & Girl 2
6. Mom
7. Mom & Dad
8. Dad
9. Cop & Thief
10. Mom
11. Dad & Mom
12. Dad
13. Dad & Son 1
14. Cop & Thief
15. Cop & Son 2
16. Cop
17. Cop & Thief

This makes me feel smart

Konichiwa bitches! I am back. Hope you had a good summer, I didn't. Grrr. I may tell you all about it, but thats a convo for another day. Today, we mock people. Like this dumdum here. Enjoy.

Grape Juice anyone?

So You Think You Can Dance

Well face it, you can't, but some people can. I've just started watching So You Think You Can Dance and I loooove it. These are my highlights from the last 2 episodes. Its a lot, but they are all awesome, some awesomely good, and some very, very bad. (I pity those people). Check 'em out. If you don't watch them all there are some definite must sees. Videos 1, 4 & 6!

The B-Boys, Pop-lockers & Robots

Video 1
Love this guy. Phillip Chbeeb. Never seen anything like this before.


Video 2
The ultimate robot. Can you believe he has MS. (FF to 3:00)



Video 3
Breakin'. I like his flips and spins. (FF to 2:15)



The Partners

Video 4
OMG I love them! They wowed me. (FF to 2:10)


Video 5
I liked it. Her legwork is hypnotizing (FF to 2:15 )



The Hilarious

Video 6
Umm is she for real


This show is awesome. You should be watching it.

Prostitution Ponderances

I'm wondering, what do street walkers in Alaska wear? I mean how do johns identify them? They can't be wearing short skirts and tube tops, its freezing out so how do you tell a hooker from a regular pedestrian. And it can't be something super-obvious, like a red "P" on your jacket, because you don't want to tip off the cops.

Test your knowledge

I missed 5! One was a state I had visited, thats a daggone shame. Let's see how well you do.

Name 50 states in 10 minutes. Good luck. And don't forget to tell me how many you get.

Update: Lailah, the modest genius, got all the states with a whopping 7 minutes and 39 seconds left. That definitely deserves an "isi". Congrats!

Its time for the ISIs

Okay folks its that time of year. Awards!!! I'm gonna issue the awards for the best of 2006.
And the isi goes to...

• Best new TV show - Ugly Betty
• the show is so funny, soap-opera-y and and just plain nice

• Best movie I wanted to see, but never did - Rocky Balboa
• I am a huge fan of all the Rockys, well 1-4 anyway, 5 is a disgrace. So I am really excited to see this new incarnation.
  

• Best TV show I never watched but swore I would because I heard it was good - Heroes
• I am going to watch this summer for sure.
  

• Best show I still watch but I don't really like anymore - Nip/Tuck
• I never thought I'd get tired of seeing men's naked butts, but I did.
  

• Best album to listen to while studying - Loreena McKennitt, Book of Secrets
• She is just awesome. check out The Highwayman
  

• Best deodorant - Dove
• Sweet-smelling, soft, and super funk-prevention, need I say more
  

• Ugliest vagina - Paris Hilton (Warning: link NSFW)
• Uh, it looks like a camel
  

• Grossest celeb moment- a 3 way tie between the cooch flashers: (Warning: NSFW) Paris - see above; Britney; Lindsay Lohan
• Just look, its self-explanatory
  

• Best celeb gossip blog - the superficial
• The writer of this blog is freakin'' hilarious. If I was to have a gossip blog it would be just like that.
  

• Best Material - Cotton, the fabric of our lives
• The superb feel, the fit, its magic
  

• Best Commercial - T-Mobile's "Secret Lovers"
  
  
• Weirdest shows I like - Squidbillies and Crayon Shin-Chan
• Talk about disturbing yet intriguing humor
  

• TV show you should be watching but probably aren't due to some oversight on your part - The Closer
• Her accent is reason enough to watch
  

• Oddest book - Running with Scissors
• Good book, yet I pity the author at the same time
  

• Best TV show I'm still watching after multiple seasons - The Shield
• Corrupt cops, guns, sex, violence, uh why aren't you watching?
  

• Best movie- I'm pretty sure I haven't been to the movies all year, its sad really. Actually wait, I saw The Good Shepherd. It didn't make an sense, and I didn't get it, so it doesn't count.
  

• Movie I'm most looking forward to seeing - 28 Weeks Later
• Too bad Cillian Murphy isn't in it, he is hot!
  

• Movie I don't want to see, but I will since everyone will be talking about it forever and I don't want to miss out on all the pop culture references - Spiderman 3.

Congratulations to all the winners. If you're not on the list, better luck next year. Try not to suck so bad next time!

People ≠ Crayons

How come its wrong to call Asian people "yellow" and Native Americans "red" but you can call Caucasians "white" and African-Americans "black"?

That's racist.

There is a reason you have a peephole

This is why I don't let strangers into my house.

Spank yo kids!

See this is why I don't like bad ass kids.

Casper is at it again

Dang, I know all these posts are about the library, but I can't help it, its where I'm living now.

I'm pretty much alone down here. A few people are scattered about but not really anyone within 20 or so feet of me, and yet I keep smelling farts. I keep checking around me, but no one is there. I know its not me, I think I'd notice if air kept escaping my butt. Whoever it is has some serious intestinal issues. That pungent odor just sneaks up my nostrils and punches me in the brain. Someone around here either has a super butt whose farts traverse the universe or there is a ghost who haunts the library at night, farting to torture students. I guess I should thank whoever it is cause I'm definitely not falling asleep anymore.

Marker mustache

If you want a beard, mustache, goatee or whatever, then you should grow one, not, I repeat NOT paint one on. And no painted on hairlines either.

More dumb ass people in the library

I swear I hate the dumb ass people in this library. I am trying to study in the carrels again, and the people around me have been constantly whispering for the last hour. I wish they would shut up. I don't want to move because this is where I like to study and where I'm comfortable. They should move. The library is a place for quiet study. The occasional question, comment is cool, but flat out having someone explain the entire class to you, NO. Get a damn study room. That's what it is for, people who want to study together and talk. Grrr. I want to just start playing music on my computer out loud and pretend like I don't notice. Or I should just have a phone conversation in a regular tone of voice. God these people are pissing me off. I wish librarians patrolled this library. Mean old lady librarians, who have been around since the beginning of time, and have that old musty book smell about them. They would tell those punks to shut their traps. If they don't shut up soon I will have to channel my inner librarian and ask them to keep it down. Maybe I should just rent them a group study room and throw the key in their faces. Dumb asses.

Baby Got Back!

Warning: This post is for mature audiences only. It is rate N for nudity and G for grossness. This link is NSFW and don't watch it in front of your mother.

This video is just too disturbing not to post.

Shut your damn mouth!

Dammit I'm trying to be responsible. I'm in the library trying to study, when this fool, a few seats away, starts distracting me. All I can hear is his whistly breathing. I can't tune it out. Is his nose stuffed? Are his lungs weak? Whats the deal? No normal person breathes like that. It sounds like wind going through a tunnel. I feel like throwing a pencil at him. Aargh! Great, he just choked on some of his air. Whistly-choke-gag-whistle. Wait, is he snoring? Hold on I'm gonna go check... Ha, discovered it. He is sleeping and whistle-snoring. That choking sound must be his night terrors. Turns out I know him, which is too bad, since I wanted to punch him in the face.

The Landlord

I know I'm late but I'm posting it anyway. Here is Will Ferrell's video The Landlord. I love it.

If the video doesn't work (but it should now) here is a link to it. The Landlord.



Oh and I know I've been posting a lot of vids lately, but I don't have time to be clever now, its study time. But don't worry, after finals I'll get back to my usual "blurbs" of randomness.

Some say, the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice,
I say the darker the flesh and the deeper the roots.

-Tupac Shakur

Tupac is a true poet

You know it makes me unhappy

When brothas make babies, and leave a young mother to be a pappy

And since we all came from a woman

Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman

I wonder why we take from our women

Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?

I think it's time to kill for our women

Time to heal our women, be real to our women

And if we don't we'll have a race of babies

That will hate the ladies, that make the babies

And since a man can't make one

He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one

So will the real men get up

I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up

-Tupac Shakur, Keep Ya Head Up

This is from one of my favorite Tupac songs. It is so beautiful. I would've posted all the lyrics but I doubt anyone would read them.

College Hill Spoiler Below

If you read my post about the most violent reality TV fight ever then you may be interested to find out who is going home. It was Vanessa, the girl who hit the wall and then ran after Krystal. Or better yet, Vanessa had the bloody face. After watching the tapes the producers decided Vanessa instigated the fight. I read elsewhere online that she now goes around with bodyguards.

And BET had the nerve to do some lame ass public service announcement after the show. The cast was talking about how fighting was wrong. They had the two girls on a couch but a guy was sitting between them. You could still see they were upset with each other. No one is gonna believe that P.S.A.

This is an inside joke

My Man, My Mansion, My Money

Hey all! If you are a Flavor of Love fan you'll remember "Hottie" from Season 1, always bragging about her fancy lifestyle. And telling the other girls to get out because this was her "man, her mansion, and her money." Well she has made a song about it: My Man, My Mansion, My Money. Click here for a listen. Now released, a sneak preview of her music video.


My Man, My Mansion, My Money, HA. Look at the "high life" she is living. Video's filmed in motel hallways, rubbing herself with $1 and $5 bills, and one wrinkly $100. Hottie, face it, your man is broke.

Pippi always comes out on top

One of my favorite movies as a child was The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking. Best part about the movie was the awesome music. I swear I know most of the words to these songs. Let me share the magic with you...

The opening credits


Scrubbing Day
(for song only fast forward to 2:30)


Running Away (when they are flying their AutoGyro)
(for song only fast forward to 2:25)


Running Away #2 (in the forest and river)


The ending credits
(for song only fast forward to 3:35)

TV theme songs

Some friends and I were reminiscing about TV show theme songs. When we were kids TV shows had actual theme songs. Songs you memorized the words to and loved to sing along with. I bet we still remember all the words. I can't think of one current TV show that has a decent theme song that isn't just a regular song you can hear on the radio played over the opening credits. I assure you, the Family Matters theme never made it to the Billboard Top 40. In honor of TVs true theme songs, I have a gift for you. Remember this...


AND THIS

Things we never need to know

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia is the fear of the number 666.

Hmmm

How do people in nudist colonies ride bikes?

Just Checking

If you didn't watch the "Traffic Lights Gone Mad" video you made a big mistake. So I'm giving you another chance. Don't screw it up this time.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner!

Warning: The following post contains material that some viewers may find offensive. This post is rated MA - for mature audiences only.

I just saw this video of Akon dancing with a 14 year old girl. This is extremely graphic dancing. In his defense, this was an 18 and up club, so who would expect a 14 year old to be there. She was called up for a "dancing competition."

Read what the girl said afterwards in an interview.

Regardless of her age, that is pretty explicit. But between consenting adults, who am I to judge. If you like it, I love it. But this just reinforces my negative opinion of Akon. I knew he was trouble ever since I heard his song Smack That.

Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.

And possibly bend you over.

Look back and watch me

smack that, all on the floor,

smack that, give me some more,

smack that, 'till you get sore

smack that, oooh.

smack that, all on the floor,

smack that, give me some more,

smack that, 'till you get sore,

smack that, oooh.

I can just imagine some kid somewhere singing this song. Ugh. If I heard my kid sing this, damn right I'd smack that.

Oh yeah and for more Akon, see him "dancing" with Tara Reid, who is another head case.



UPDATE: Look at what I found. Pictures.


What kind of 14 year old dresses like this, and has a tatoo. Where the hell was her dad, the minister, at when she was hoochin it up at the club? She probably told him she was going to Bible Study.

The funniest part, is Akon said the competition was a contest to win a trip to Africa. At the end of the competition he said he was Africa. LOL. This is nuts.

Pictures from triniscene.com via dlisted.com.

Dear Mr. Iscariot,

Et tu Brute?

The Most Violent Reality TV fight ever

Backstory on this fight: College Hill is like Real World, but you go to college at a HBCU (historically Black Colleges & Universities). Well in this season, the college is University of the Virgin Islands, and in the house are 3 Virgin Islanders, and 3 kids from L.A.

The characters: Vanessa - girl in pink; Krystal - the other one

Well, one girl from L.A., Krystal has been bagging on the V.I. culture and how much better Orange County is. The house is segregated V.I. kids versus L.A. kids. A house argument erupts, Krystal makes a comment to Vanessa and Vanessa can't take it anymore, she has reached her breaking point.

Now watch. Watch the whole thing if you can but if you only want the good stuff fast forward to 1:40.

Got Balls!

I remembered an interesting video a friend had shown me in undergrad years ago. The other day I was trying to show it to someone, but I couldn't find it. Well lucky for you, I did. Oh yeah and don't watch while you are eating.

David Beckham nekkid

Is this really him? You decide. Personally I could have lived my whole life without seeing this...

This link is NSFW and don't open it in front of your mother.

D.B. Nekkid as the day he was born
just scroll down

oh my aching head

If you wear big dangly earrings and its windy outside, you WILL get slapped in the head a lot.

Don't take my word for it...

Seriously if you haven't played The Impossible Quiz yet, its not too late. Critics call it game of the year. Don't miss out.

• Roger Ebert calls it "fantastic"
• Siskel says... oh wait is he dead?
• Brina from school says "You should call this the link of the decade - it is that addictive."

Can't argue with the critics so start clicking. A link to the quiz answers is 3 posts down.

Good luck!!!

Happy Birthday to You

I wanna give a birthday shout out
to my good friend

Tennis Cort

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!

I hope you get everything you want for your birthday my dear.

Wait here while I get some plates and forks.

(inside joke ahead) We had a graphic artist sketch this for her birthday. We call it spa day.

Today's Tip

Don't you hate how 2 liter sodas always go flat before you finish them.
Well here is how to make that 2 liter last for a lot longer. After you pour yourself some soda and are ready to put it away,

1. squeeze the bottle so the liquid is pushed almost to the top,
2. hold it tight, then screw the cap on tightly
3. store the bottle upside down

This will keep the soda carbonated, but lets face it, day old 2 liters are never as good as when you first open them.

Oh and while we are giving out tips. Here is a tip to get stains out of clothing: use stain remover.

You go grandma (or not)

This snippet startles me. It hurts me just to watch it.

Link of the day

The Impossible Quiz
Click here, then click "PLAY THIS GAME"

I don't know why I said "link of the day". It's not like I have a link every day. I might have to change the title to link of the moment.

Anyway, if your bored or need something to occupy your time try this. Its the impossible quiz and its awesome. Awesomely hard. I think I stopped around #15, I needed a break. But its fun so just try it, at least twice.

UPDATE: Here is a site containing the answers. Only use it if you get really, really stuck or else that would be cheating. Click here then scroll down and you'll see it.

I'm stuck at #66 now, but I'm gonna stop and study. And then I'll be back with a vengeance. And no I'm not gonna peek at the answers.

The Big House

When I'm rich (notice I said when not if) I will not live in any of these superhuge mansions. Those things are not safe. You know that feeling when you go in your house and its creepy, maybe someone is there. Or you just watched a really scary movie and you hear something or feel a "presence" in the house. Now how are you going to check all 50 of those rooms for demon spirits. By the time you check any one room, they'll be hiding in another.


Plus I just don't think its a good idea to live in a house, where you don't even know if you have roommates or not. For all you know, some random guy could be living in your house for the last 5 months. I mean seriously, how many times do you check the second floor, guest bedroom off the mother in law wing in the north hall. Freaky.

T-shirt folding --- don't ask

I swear YouTube has some of the most random videos. I don't even know what I was looking at, but somehow I stumbled across a video showing you how to quickly and easily fold a T-shirt. I may have to try this method, as I hate ironing and folding. I'm a big fan of removing clothes from the dryer right away so no wrinkles, and I hang the majority of my clothes up, so no folding. I'm so lazy.

This short video shows someone folding the shirt.


This one is a tutorial on how to do it if you are interested.

Is it true love?

You may be thinking "oh I'm really in love", but are you? Consider my theory of love and then you'll know for sure.

Isi's Theory of Love: You are truly in love when your significant other craps themselves and you are completely willing to clean them up.

Now, wait, hold on, I know what you're thinking. "Sick", "Gross", or "That doesn't make any sense" But hear me out. If one of your good friends crapped themselves, you'd probably say "hey man, that sucks" and throw them a towel or something. But if you really and truly love someone you may get queasy but you would pull down their poopy pants and wipe them clean. Why? because you love them. Poop cleaning is not something to be taken lightly and neither is love.

No bitches before lunch

Can you say "bitch" on tv before 4 pm? Wow times have changed. I mean if you're gonna rerun an evening time show at least edit it for the daytime hour.

Best Episode Ever

The list continues...

I love Cheaters. That show is so entertaining. If you aren't watching it you should be. Anyway there are so many great Cheaters episodes to choose from but this is definitely at the top of my list.

Fast Forward to 6:35 and enjoy. Oh yeah and this video is rated M for Mature.

Best Episode Ever

I love T.V. so I've decided to show you clips of the best shows ever. The best episode of any show ever is when Jessie on Saved by the Bell was on drugs, well caffeine pills anyway. I know you remember it. Take a look. FF 20 seconds for the actual scene to start.



And just for fun lets watch the music video they made in that episode.

Quote of the day

We're sitting next to each other, that counts as love.

Who cares? Not my mom

My mom doesn't care about me. You wanna know how I know, fine. Once I was getting ready to go out and I tripped at the top of the stairs and fell all the way down and landed on the tile floor. It was so painful. I lay on the ground crying for a long time. Finally I got up, and I couldn't really walk and my car was a stick so I needed both feet to drive. I was alone so I had no choice and I hopped out of the house on one foot and left. I ended up needing crutches for a week. When I got home that night I told my mom about it, and she said "yeah I know, I was here". WHAT. She was there and she didn't help me. She said "yeah I heard you crying so I knew you were okay." That is the sickest thing I've ever heard.

Reason 2
My mom and I just arrived at our hotel after a flight and I wanted to brush my teeth. So I asked her to pass me the toothpaste and she handed me one of the those travel toothpaste sized tubes. I grabbed it and put it on my toothbrush. I started to brush and I gagged. I looked at the tube and it was hydrocortisone. It was so gross and it was spread all over my teeth and I couldn't get it off (that cream has sticking power). I wanted to call the front desk and order a new toothbrush but mom was like come on we gotta go, gargle and you'll be fine. She totally did not care.

See my mom doesn't care about me. I told you.

Help! Babies wont let me study

So I've been watching videos on YouTube instead of studying. Oh well. Anyway, I've learned that anything can make a baby laugh, from dogs, to crackers, to noises, the list goes on. So, here is my fave baby laughing video. Personally, I think this baby's laugh sounds kinda grown up.

Can you dance like this?

Probably not.

Hey you really have to watch the whole vid, its great, but if not then fast forward to 2:05 and just watch him work it.

Too Much Beyonce?
Uploaded by apartment3b

UPDATE: I totally had to add this video. Apparently Beyonce is the artist of choice these days.

Thats it, I'm old

With my birthday looming I'm feeling like an old fogey. Okay not really, but still. I don't particularly want to get older. So I'm listening to music on iTunes and I found a song I used to like called Caught Up by Ja Rule & Lloyd. I downloaded it, the explicit version as I normally don't prefer edited versions. So I played and ugh I shuddered. Sometime in the last few years I've turned into one of those people who is offended by unedited music. I mean I've heard explicit versions of songs that were completely different songs than the edited ones (like Some Cut). But this song, just a few words were changed and I realized I can't play that in my car. I think I may have to pay 99 more cents to download the edited version. The question is do I like the song that much. Probably not.

Example: Some of the least graphic changes (if you can believe it) in Some Cut

Edited Version:
And I'll follow that thang in the mall
Take you home so we can do it all

Explicit Version:
And I'll follow that ass in the mall
Take you home, let you juggle my balls

I remember I had someone get that song for me. When it started playing, I was singing along, then I heard the graphicness, I almost threw up and crashed my car. Okay that didn't happen, but I was shocked. I never listened to the unedited version ever again. I'm not mentally capable of handling it. It is much too freaking graphic for me. Man, I really am old. I guess I'll start listening to adult contemporary music.

Update: I had to post this Pretty Ricky clip from their concert because it showcases what I'm talking about. I like a few of Pretty Ricky's songs, but I have noticed that many of their lyrics are quite graphic. They are adults but their target audience are pre-teens and teenage girls. Knowing that and seeing this video makes me disgusted.



Interestingly enough I saw this quote in the iTunes review of Pretty Ricky's first album. "Thats how outrageous they are, fitting somewhere between Usher and the Yin Yang Twins at their most lecherous."

F'ing Bastards

Someone keeps stealing my mother f'ing newspaper. Just the Sunday paper, the biggest and best paper of the week. thats the only reason I subscribed to the paper for the Sunday edition. Well I've had it up to here, I don't want to get up at 8 a.m. every Sunday just to prevent theivery. How can I stop this paper theif. I am so pissed right now I have so many crazy ideas running through my head. My top 2 right now are (1) setting up a webcam to catch the theif or (2) taking another Sunday paper and sh*tting in it and leave it for the theif to take to their apartment. When they open their paper, crap falls all over their lap. Ha ha you bastard. I feel no remorse, if you want a Sunday paper pay your own damn dollar fifty. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know by leaving a comment.

The details: The paper is dropped, usually in a bag, with my apartment number on it, inside the locked gate. Only people who live in the building have access so I know its one of my neighbors. 3 Floors with 6 apts per floor. I need a plan.

Oooh I could put itching powder in the paper, or get a bank dye pack that will spurt ink all over the person, leaving them stained.

I hope this isn't illegal.

UPDATE: Plan 3: Use one of those as seen on tv alarms so when the theif takes it out of a bag or picks it up it goes off and I can catch them in the act.